When Transitions Feel Like Free Fall: Why They’re So Hard (and How We Can Help)

For many of our kids, transitions aren’t simple shifts from one thing to another—they feel like full-body shutdowns or explosions.

A new activity might just look like the next line on a schedule to us. But to them, it feels like standing on the edge of a cliff and being pushed forward without a parachute.

Why the Reaction Feels So Big

Transitions flood the nervous system with unknowns. And when language is still developing—whether because of autism, Deafness, trauma, or all three—the body reacts before the brain can organize the information.

This is not defiance. This is dysregulation.

Imagine trying to solve a puzzle while the picture keeps changing… and you don’t even know what the final image is supposed to be. That’s what transitions feel like to a child who hasn’t been clearly shown:

• When it’s going to happen

• What is coming next

• If and when they’ll return to the thing they love

When they don’t know what’s coming, or whether they’ll get back to a favorite activity, the body panics. It throws up warning signals—tears, aggression, freezing, bolting—not to manipulate, but to survive.

Transitions Disrupt the Body’s GPS

Children—especially Deaf+ and gestalt language processors—are deeply pattern-dependent. Their bodies use cues like visual structure, rhythm, and repetition to orient themselves to time.

But transitions scramble that internal GPS. If you haven’t downloaded the next “map” in advance (through visuals, sign, routine, or sensory prep), their system gets stuck rerouting… with no signal.

Language is the Buffer—But It Has to Be Accessible

Transitions are easier when we can name what’s happening.

But what if you don’t have the words yet?

For non-speaking kids or those still building ASL fluency, transitions hit harder. They don’t just need words—they need time to preload the transition into their sensory and emotional system.

That means prep before the moment. Not warnings shouted from across the room. Not verbal instructions with no context. But rich, layered cues—signs, objects, timers, visuals, touch signals—that help build a bridge before we expect them to walk across.

How to Make Transitions Safer

Here’s what actually helps:

1. Make the pattern visible.Use a first-then chart, visual schedule, or object cue to make the day feel less unpredictable. Show what’s now, what’s next, and what’s after.

2. Signal endings in advance.Use countdown timers, a transition song, or a specific sign cue (“FINISH” then “CHANGE”) to alert their body that a shift is coming.

3. Honor the return.If they’re leaving a preferred activity, show them when they’ll get it back. This could be a return symbol, a visual clock, or even a “back to…” tag on the schedule.

4. Use sensory supports to ground the body.Stretching, deep pressure, fidgets, chewies, or proprioceptive input (like a heavy backpack) can help regulate the flood of emotion that comes with transition.

5. Match your pace to theirs.We don’t drag a child across a bridge that’s still being built. We walk beside them. If the signs aren’t downloaded yet, the language isn’t ready yet, or the fear is too big, we pause and co-regulate. Not to rescue—but to stabilize.

The Transition Is the Skill

For many kids, transitions are the hard part—not the activity before or after.

That’s why every transition is a teaching moment, not a test.

The goal isn’t a perfect shift. It’s building trust in the process, so they begin to feel:

“I will be told what’s happening. I will know what’s coming. I will get back to what I love. I am safe.”

When we build that kind of consistency, we’re not just reducing meltdowns. We’re teaching our kids that they can move through the world… and still belong to themselves.