Stop Waiting for Them to Catch Up: Why Deaf and Autistic Children Need You to Slow Down and Walk With Them
- Savy Hester
- Jun 22
- 4 min read
Too many Deaf and autistic children grow up waiting.
Waiting for the right therapist.
Waiting for school to notice.
Waiting for their family to learn a new strategy.
Waiting for someone — anyone — to believe they are capable before they show the skill.
They are not waiting because they want to.
They are waiting because the world around them has decided that communication access comes after compliance. That connection is something they must earn.
But communication is not a reward.
It’s a right.
And we — especially those of us who are hearing and non-autistic — must stop making them carry the entire burden of learning how to reach us.
Language Isn’t Just a Skill. It’s the System That Runs Everything Else.
Language is how we:
regulate emotions,
store and retrieve memories,
build inner thoughts,
form identity,
access education.
Without accessible language, none of those systems can run the way they’re supposed to.
This isn’t just an opinion — it’s a foundational truth confirmed by decades of linguistic, cognitive, and developmental research. According to Gallaudet University, Deaf children with early sign language access consistently outperform those who are forced into auditory-only systems. The research is clear: delaying or denying natural language access in favor of “fixing” speech is not neutral — it causes harm.
And for autistic children, especially those who use gestalt language processing (GLP), the same urgency applies.
They don’t start with single words and build out. They learn in chunks — scripts, echolalia, repeated phrases — and slowly pull those chunks apart to build their own flexible language system. That process takes time, repetition, and most of all, patient conversation partners who don’t shut it down just because it sounds different.
Yet most of our systems still expect:
Spoken, linear language
Immediate responses
Eye contact and compliance
as prerequisites to being taught.
The Real Problem Isn’t Their Delay — It’s Our Pacing.
We keep telling parents to wait:
“Let’s give it time.”
“They’re not ready for sign language yet.”
“He’ll talk when he’s ready.”
“Once she behaves, we can work on language.”
But it’s not the kids who need to hurry up.
It’s us who need to slow down.
We need to stop running ahead with neurotypical milestones and neurotypical expectations, then looking back in frustration when they haven’t “caught up.”
Because they were never supposed to follow our map.
They need us to build a bridge, not extend the finish line.
What Deaf and Autistic Kids Actually Need:
Early access to natural language — especially sign language
Sites like LanguageFirst.org break this down beautifully: sign language is not a backup plan — it’s a first language that supports speech development, literacy, and cognitive flexibility. For Deaf and hard-of-hearing kids, it is the most accessible path to a full language foundation.
Understanding of alternative language development
Children who use gestalt or approximate language aren’t broken. They’re developing in a way that’s been observed and documented by experts like Marge Blanc and Alexandria Zachos. They need models, mirrors, and time — not redirection, punishment, or pity.
Responsive adults who lead with presence, not pressure
We must meet their attempts — the hand flaps, the sound bytes, the repeated scenes from favorite shows — as invitations to connect. Not as noise to fix.
Visual, tactile, and movement-based communication supports
Whether it’s sign language, picture cards, AAC, or gestures, the mode of communication must match their brain, not ours. You can’t ask a body to calm down if it has no way to explain what it needs.
If You’re a Parent or Professional, Here’s the Hard Truth:
If a child isn’t gaining language, we must first ask:
Do they have full, unpressured access to a complete language system that matches how their brain learns best?
If the answer is no, then they’re not the ones who are behind.
We are.
And every day we wait for their behavior to “prove readiness” before giving them communication tools — we are teaching them that their voice is conditional. That they can’t be included until they act more like us.
Let’s Walk Beside Them, Not Ahead.
We need a shift.
One that starts with willingness, curiosity, and humility.
If you’re hearing, non-autistic, or both, your presence matters more than you know.
When you pause to sign instead of rushing speech…
When you validate scripting instead of redirecting it…
When you watch for meaning instead of correcting form…
…you show that you are willing to walk with them instead of waiting for them to catch up.
It is not about having all the answers.
It’s about being the kind of adult they don’t have to earn.
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Resources to Learn More:
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Closing Thought
The children are not broken.
They are waiting for us to show up differently.
They don’t need faster.
They need us to stay.
Stay long enough to understand.
Stay quiet enough to listen.
Stay patient enough to believe.
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