Section 3: Understanding Behavior at Home

Behavior Is the Language of a System Under Stress

When your Deaf+ child is upset, avoidant, aggressive, or rigid — what you’re seeing is a message, not a problem.

Think of it like this:

You’re trying to run a program with no installed language. The operating system glitches. There’s an error message, but it’s in code. No one knows what triggered it. No one explains what’s happening.

Now imagine this every day, all day.

That’s what unregulated, language-deprived behavior is: a system throwing alerts in a format no one can read.

Zoom Out: What Could This Mean?

Behavior	Possible Cause
Running away	Overstimulation, escape from task, sensory avoidance
Hitting or biting	No words for “stop,” pain, dysregulation
Laughter during scolding	Anxiety response, confusion, shutdown
Silence or withdrawal	Language fatigue, trauma response, confusion
“Noncompliance”	Doesn’t understand, not yet ready, no ability to transition
Repeating scripts	Comfort-seeking, language scaffolding, memory placeholder
Destruction	Desperate need for control or sensory input

You’re not spoiling your child by looking deeper. You’re decoding the system.

Why Co-Regulation Comes First

We cannot expect self-regulation until we’ve modeled and provided co-regulation — the process of helping your child calm down by grounding with them, not at them.

You are the circuit breaker. You are the Wi-Fi signal. You are the nervous system they’re syncing to.

If you’re flooded, frustrated, yelling — their body will mirror that energy, even if they don’t understand your words.

Steps to Co-Regulate

1. Lower your tone and body Get below eye level, reduce movement.

2. Keep your signs slow and repetitive Use signs like “BREATHE,” “SAFE,” “SIT,” “WAIT.”

3. Offer grounding input Compression, deep pressure, rocking, hand squeezes.

4. Use environment first Dim lights, reduce noise, hand over calm fidget.

5. Wait. Don’t explain. Don’t teach in crisis. Their system can’t process logic until regulation returns.

6. Narrate later with signs and pictures Rebuild meaning and teach new tools after, not during.

Body Awareness: Why Some Behaviors Aren’t Intentional

Your child may:

• Trip over nothing

• Walk into walls or doorways

• Hit too hard when playing

• Not notice when hurt or hungry

This is called body blindness, or low proprioception/interoception. They don’t fully sense where their body is or how it feels.

That’s why:

• They eat too fast or too little

• They can’t explain pain

• They react with aggression to being startled

• They struggle with touch and personal space

You must teach body signals the way you teach words — visually, slowly, and often.

Instead of Consequences, Offer Interpretation

• “You’re biting. That means something is too much. Let’s try to squeeze this pillow instead.”

• “You hit. Were you mad or scared? Let’s sign MAD. Let’s stomp MAD instead.”

• “You ran. Did the noise hurt? Let’s show ‘STOP’ and go outside.”

This isn’t permissive parenting. This is language-first, trauma-informed behavior support.

Because the most important thing is this: They won’t know how to stop unless someone teaches them how to name what’s wrong.